Friday, September 21, 2012

Season? or Reason?

In one of the Christian fiction novels I've read, the main character talks about there is "single for a season" or "single for a reason". And it's true! If you were being honest with yourself, when you find out that someone in their late 30's or older are single and have never been married, you ask yourself.... what's wrong with them? At least I do (even though I am in that group also!) Or, if someone has become single again and not married again, you ask..... why haven't they gotten married again? Is something wrong with them?

I'm not saying anything is WRONG with anyone..... it's just what people wonder. People are social creatures. They don't like to be alone the majority of the time. So..... what is the reason they are single?

Honestly, I think one of the reasons is....... where do you meet single people? I am very picky about what I would like in a future mate. I'm not sure meeting them at a bar is the best place to meet them! Especially since I don't drink alcohol (except on vacation, but that's a different story!) :)

I am a member of a "mega" church. Even before this church, I've always been a member of larger churches. You would think it would be easy to meet someone when there are thousands of people around you, but it's not. The key to developing relationships with anyone (male or female) is to have something in common with them and be a member of some type of smaller, intimate group where you can spend time together, get to know each other, and become friends (not just church aquaintances).

This is where I think the problem lies. I truly believe that most churches (small and large) miss the boat with it comes to an adult singles ministry. They just don't know what to do with us. Adult singles (30's and older) are expected to just join a ladies class or a men's class. Some churches expect them to join the married class (and sit alone pitifully). For the churches that DO have a singles class, it is all ages, lumped together. For those singles who have children at home, many times they can meet other moms or dads with similar interests and become involved. But what about the never-been-married, no kids, or no-kids-at-home singles? What about them? These are the singles that desperately NEED other singles to develop friendships with! (And according to my friend, married couples with no kids tend to get left out also!)

I'm tired of sitting at home alone on the weekends. I'm tired of not having friends who share my same issues of being alone. I'm tired of sitting alone at church, or feeling like I don't know anyone! I'm frustrated with not knowing how to MEET people to even TRY and get to know them!

I wish I knew how to communicate this need to churches. I'm pretty sure that adult singles are not an area most churches really think about. Married ministry? got it! Children's ministry? yup! Youth ministry? you betcha! Senior Adults? they are busier than the rest of us! Men's ministry? Women's ministry? Music ministry? Those are all great things! Many churches even have College/Career or 20's singles ministries! These are all WONDERFUL and NEEDED things. I just think my "demographic" is left out.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Talking to some of my friends, I don't think that I am. Yet, I am not strong enough or knowledgeable enough to BE the change. Leading a small group is not my calling. Teaching a Sunday School class is not my calling. I've learned that I can be a pretty good planner/hostess but I'm not even sure how to START attracting singles! (If I knew HOW to attract them, I doubt I would be blogging now!)

I say all this to admit..... I'm lonely. I'm frustrated. I'm growing weary of waiting. I question God.... "Why can't I meet other friends to spend time with?" I also question "what is MY reason I am still single?" And I don't know the answers...... that's the most frustrating part of it all!

Lord, Help me to wait on You. Show me steps I can take to make a difference. Help me to minister to others who also feel lonely and left out. Lead me in the path that I should go so that I can follow Your plan for my life. Amen.

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