My Place in This World

I've always loved Michael W. Smith's song "Place in this World" (I know.... I was a teen in the late 80's/early 90's). But my love of this song goes beyond just growing up. I have always struggled to find my "place".... my path.... God's will for my life. This blog is my search for God's will in my life..... my thoughts, prayers, and random insights that I may have! I'm 37 (about to be 38) years old...... you would think I would know my place by now..... I don't. I question every aspect of my life.... am I in the right career? am I at the right school? am I attending the right church? should I move to a different house? will I ever get married? have kids? find friends? My mind works OVERTIME with all my questioning! I was given up by my birth mother and adopted into a wonderful Christian family. However, I have always felt abandoned. Even though in my head I know that this was the right thing for me (a.k.a. God's will), my heart wonders "why?" I know that I have used this as an excuse to keep an "arm's length" away from people.... to avoid becoming hurt. My own insecurities have distracted me from finding God's purpose for me. I have avoided meeting the needs of others because I was so focused on myself. I believe that God has a purpose and a plan for my life. In fact, He tells me that He does! Jeremiah 29:11-13 (NIV) tells me, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your hear." Imagine that! God has a future pre-set for me! But I will only discover it when I seek HIM. Why is that so hard? It's so easy to seek God when things are wrong.... or to ask for things, but I need to remember that I must CONTINUALLY seek Him and come to Him and WAIT for His answer (I hate waiting!). I think of all the times that I did not have the patience to wait on His plan and did my own thing.... what disasters those turned out to be! For years I have prayed Psalm 37:4 (NIV) "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." However, MY desires aren't always what I need! I've prayed that God would change my desires to His desires for me, yet secretly (but not secret to Him) always wanting what I wanted. Does that make sense? Ultimately, I must be OBEDIENT to Him in ALL areas of my life! I must give Him TOTAL CONTROL of my life. As the pastor said in church this morning, I must KNOW Jesus so that I can follow Him. I must speak (pray) with Him enough and LISTEN enough so that I know His voice. So, for anyone out there.... my prayer is this: Trust (have FAITH in!) the Lord with ALL my heart and lean not on MY own (puny) understanding: in ALL my ways acknowledge (submit to) Him and He will make my path straight (direct me in the way I should go). Proverbs 3:5-6